*RANT AHEAD!!! I APOLOGIZE!!!*
Well, it's been quite some time since I've sat down to write a blog post. Many things have happened since then. Some good, others not so great. On the bright side, I'm closer to my friends than ever, I've been able to get more into horses, and I have an absolutely incredible boyfriend who I absolutely adore. My grades in school are good, and overall things are okay. But....I'm still stressed and unhappy. I found out that I'm moving this summer, up to the cities, which is away from everything I've ever known and loved. I'm completely terrified to start the new school, too. It has over 1,000 more kids than the school I'm currently at, and even the one I'm currently in gets a bit overwhelming. Plus, my parents have agreed that I'm no longer allowed to go to my best friends' farm, which I've been going to for over three years now. I'm at my happiest when I'm there, and I've formed an absolutely incredible bond with one of the horses there, named Jack. (He's pictured with me in my profile picture!) The thought of not being able to see him anymore is enough to make me want to give up on everything. To make things worse, I've taken a big blow to my confidence. A few weeks ago, I was in my second horse show, and ended up doing very badly, as the horse I was put on and I do not get along at all. I was supposed to ride a different horse, but the weekend before the show, he ended up throwing me, and I hit my head, so I was no longer allowed to ride him, due to his bucking fits. Getting thrown by a horse who I'd previously trusted with my life, then almost getting thrown again when he started bucking a second time made me feel like a bad rider. It's sad to me, because I showed him back in December, after only having ridden him once, and he and I did amazing together, then just a couple months later, he was so changed that he took off bucking from a simple walk. And after this most recent show, my best friend and I went to her farm to do some riding and the horse I was on almost threw me twice. The first time, he took off across the road, back toward his farm, and we almost got hit by a car when he refused to slow down. The second time, we were just walking around in the driveway and he started acting up. I'm not sure if he bucked or not. I stayed on both times and got him back under control, but I was shaken up afterwards. I forgive him, as he's only a young 4 or 5 year old, and it was only his second time being ridden in months, but it's still hard. Everyone was talking about how it looks like I've lost confidence, and that makes me very sad, as I want to work with horses for the rest of my life, and feel like such a failure. I don't know what to do, and I need advice, but I'm unsure who to go to. Any help would be appreciated. I'm sorry for the long rant, but I needed to get these things off my chest. Thanks for reading!
